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(Borrowed from Elsewhere) If You Get Married, Will You Take His Last Name?

cervixsays:

This post hit especially close to home for me, as this is an emotionally-charged topic which I have discussed at length with numerous romantic partners, friends, and family members. Goodness forbid that some of us value our individual identities as well as our familial ones. I say it’s high-time to ditch the name-change-for-women expectation.

Originally posted on ShoutOut! JMU:

Marriage. As a 21-year-old college senior, that’s something that feels incredibly far away. But realistically, if I end up getting married (which is something that I want to do), it will probably be sometime in the next ten years, especially if I want to start having kids in my early thirties. Of course, many people my age are already married or engaged, which is not in my immediate plans, but to each their own. Whenever I see someone new who gets engaged or married on social media, I see dozens of posts that say “Proud Mrs. [insert his full name here]!”, “Can’t wait to be a [insert his last name here]!”, or other exclamations. This got me thinking: Will I change my last name when I get married?

120178579 gettyimages.com

Quick note: I’m going to be speaking in a heterosexual context because I am heterosexual so that’s what I’m most familiar with and because…

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(Borrowed from Elsewhere) Cleaning is NOT the New Cardio: Women, Housework and Not Working Out

cervixsays:

The “second shift” is alive and well, unfortunately. This post hits the nail on the head about common in-home gender dynamics for chore-splitting and about marketing for these burdens falling exclusively around the necks of women.

Originally posted on Fit Is a Feminist Issue:

Tammy Wynette had it right: Sometimes it’s hard to be a woman. Especially when it comes to domestic labor. Tons has been written about how women, after coming home from paid work outside the home, commence “the second shift” in which they cook, clean, do childcare, and manage household needs. And despite the fact that the women’s movement is easily more than 40 years old, this situation is still pervasive. In the New Republic, Jessica Grose tells her own rather typical story:

“When it comes to housecleaning, my basically modern, egalitarian marriage starts looking more like the backdrop to an Updike short story. My husband and I both work. We split midnight baby feedings. My husband would tell you that he does his fair share of the housework, but if pressed, he will admit that he’s never cleaned the bathroom, that I do the dishes nine times out of ten…

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(Borrowed from Elsewhere) Put A Ring On It: The Tradition of Engagement Rings

cervixsays:

Another spot-on post from ShoutOut!

Originally posted on ShoutOut! JMU:

I’ve thought (read: fantasized) a lot about my engagement, from the location to the surprise to the magazine-worthy pictures that will be posted on Facebook the next day. And in this fantasy, the proposal always includes an engagement ring (vintage, with a unique stone in the middle surrounded by diamonds. I haven’t thought about it too much though…). I’ve always considered an engagement ring to be a promise of a future life-long commitment, as well as a really pretty piece of jewelry. But where did this tradition even come from? And is a ring a commitment statement or something a little more misogynistic?

Flickr.com, CC

The tradition of diamond engagement rings actually began as a marketing scheme launched by the De Beers diamond company in the 1930s. Because De Beers diamond sales had been dropping throughout the 1920s, the company hired the advertising firm N.W. Ayer to create a promotional…

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Fifty Shades of Pissed Off

Valentine’s Day rapidly approaching this weekend means the big screen debut of Fifty Shades of Grey will at last arrive as well. Will I, a self-proclaimed sexuality geek, be attending a viewing?

Hail naw.

At the lunch table this afternoon, my coworker described her lack of interest in both the books and the new film, and my boss agreed. Trying my best to not blush, I delivered a close-to-home-yet-pruned-for-work rant about my disgust with Fifty Shades and its heinously inaccurate depiction of the BDSM lifestyle. (more…)

That Time You Wanted to Kill Yourself

As I prepare for a lengthy and fulfilling career as a psychotherapist, one of my greatest fears is how I will help suicidal clients. My thirteen-year-old brother killed himself a week before I turned seventeen, and although his suicide is a topic which regularly invades my mind and which I openly discuss with anyone who asks, I am concerned that in a professional setting, I may not be able to maintain the sufficient emotional composure which my client-therapist relationships will require. Suicide may always be too “close to home” of a topic, despite the time which has passed since Connor’s death. But even as angry, disappointed, and frustrated as I am with Connor for killing himself, his suicide forced me to reconsider my views on the subject. (more…)

My Body Is Disgusting

When people say that their bodies are gross or disgusting, I hear hatred — a long-standing loathing that has spent years brewing. Even when people say that other people’s bodies are disgusting, I still hear self-criticism.

How old were you when you were first ashamed of your body? Most of us first experienced that feeling in childhood, and it has recurred through the rest of our lives.

Shame is learned. We are taught to hate our bodies. Why? Because insecurity sells. Cosmetics, gym memberships, workout gear, fancy cars and purses… It’s all about money.

Most of my teenage years were occupied with hours upon hours of obsessing over every inch of my body. I spent at least twelve hours each week grooming myself 

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That Time I Found a Dominatrix on Craigslist

I’ve had some thought-provoking experiences with Craigslist this past year. However, this recent experience was unique and delightful because I was not looking to sell more of my used undergarments and shoes to the men who my horrified mother refers to as, “those internet perverts”.

(… in that voice, no less.)

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