I Feel Like I’m Being Raped (aka The Gray Area Between Yes-Means-Yes and No-Means-No)

Recently, I had an argument with a friend. I had shared a blurb on Facebook about the recent Yes-Means-Yes law enacted in California, and he immediately retorted his disgust before I had even refreshed my homepage.

Rather than have a heated public debate, because I’m lazy, I texted him. Aside from his aggressive and personally attacking comments, the gist of our conversation went as follows:

His argument:  Yes-Means-Yes laws don’t solve any problems because “they said yes” and “they didn’t say no” are both still hearsay in court. These laws substitute kangaroo courts on college campuses for real reform of the criminal justice system. It’s not realistic to expect long term couples to always explicitly and verbally consent to sex, and it’s not appropriate to impose our choice of how people should consent to sex any more than it would be to impose our choice of what sex they should have.


Naked and Afraid, or Naked and Battered? (aka Wait, You Can Share A Bed Without Having Sex?)

My boyfriend and I are in a brand new relationship, yet we already radiate that “old couple” smell. People who see us together for the first time assume we’ve been together for years. Perhaps that’s in part because we have both prioritized spending time together early on to create and nurture a solid foundation of friendship that will last through the duration of our togetherness. (more…)

The Below-the-Belt War on Women (aka Why You Should Stop Buying “Feminine Washes”)

Sitting in my boyfriend’s dormitory bathroom yesterday, my eyes struck something truly horrid. Unfortunately, it wasn’t just the less-than-maintained toilet bowl in exactly the condition you may expect of average college-aged men… It was much worse.

Boyfriends Who Look Like Girlfriends: Crossdressing, A Double Standard

A couple years ago, I read a book called My Husband Betty, about Helen Boyd learning to cope with her husband’s cross dressing. Back then, I knew very little about cross dressing, but my knowledge repertoire rapidly expanded as I delved headfirst into this page turner. Betty quickly became a favorite guilty pleasure the day I checked her out from my university’s library.

The book began with a description portraying the double standard** of how it’s considered sexy when a woman wears men’s clothes, but not vice versa. If a woman rolls around on a bed wearing nothing but her male lover’s button-down shirt, it sounds like the description of a perfume ad. We say she’s sexy, she’s sensual, and she’s acting out of love. In contrast, if a man did the same thing for the same reasons, wearing nothing but his female lover’s satin dress slip, it would be for grins. People would laugh at him, they’d ridicule him, and they might even threaten him with physical violence.


That Time I Sold My Shoes To Creepy Old Men (Foot Fetishism, Part Two)

On a lark, I listed some dirty, old shoes on eBay last summer. Years ago, my collection of shoes hit the 130 mark, and I just don’t have the room (or energy) to love and appreciate most of them anymore. I had heard that it’s possible to make hundreds of bucks on eBay selling used shoes to fetishists, so I figured, hey, why not give it a whirl. I artfully crafted a few listings and crossed my fingers. I mean, I love shoes, shoe fetishists love shoes… boom, instant camaraderie and cash. After all, we’d be looking out for each others’ best interests in a sorta-kinda-almost perverted mutualism, right?

Wrong. Wrong, wrong, wrong.

I wanted to make a few bucks, and they wanted to get off as soon as possible, then make a break for it before any dollars actually changed hands. That’s not to say I didn’t make a friend or two; I did. A few men were delightful, respectful, and genuinely pleasant. The rest of them, however, were either a rude-aggressive or rude-flighty flavor. In the end, my naiveté to trust that strangers would do the right thing is what doomed my fate.


Rapists on a Bathroom Wall

Columbia University has been facing some heat lately for the way its authorities have been handling reports of rape and other sexual assaults — or, rather, their lack of handling them. This is, depressingly, nothing new in the land of undergraduate education.

What got my attention on the news a few nights back was the report of graffiti and flyers which have been found in at least one Columbia University bathroom. Apparently, some female students have taken the lack of formal punishment into their own hands, specifically naming rapists and sexual assailants on their campus. Check out this article on Jezebel for photographs of the lists and background information. (more…)

That Time A Coworker Called Me A “Dirty Girl”

This month, I’ve been temping on and off for a little extra money while I wait for my paralegal course to start — long story short, the goal is to pay for psychotherapy school from a few years of saved earnings as a paralegal. I’m currently being pimped to a technology office filled mostly with guys. Having graduated from a school that’s (unofficially) about 70% women, and having taken classes which were also mostly attended by women, I was excited at the opportunity to be surrounded by nerdy, youngish men in a new and exciting setting.

Although I consider myself a professional, I realize that other people in offices sometimes do unprofessional things on the job, like use vulgar language, watch YouTube videos, and make personal phone calls. They also solicit sex, sometimes. (more…)

That Part of College That No One Talks About: My Warning To Incoming Freshmen

A beloved younger cousin of mine started his freshman year of college last August. At his graduation party the prior summer, his parents had set out a poster board with a handful of metallic Sharpies so that we could each sign our names, a congratulatory note, and a bit of advice we had for him.

Some of the advice was humorous, like the quips about not eating yellow snow, and that his younger sister was planning to take over his room once he moved out of their house. Other blurbs encouraged him to look up from the computer screen every now and again, and to remember to attend classes in between the never-ending kegger parties. Although I wrote a sentence or two on his card, I waited to offer him my deeper, more meaningful advice later that night, after our other cousins had fallen asleep. (more…)

Ultimate Cuteness: Cuddling Bros

Introducing the next best photo collection of absolute adorability, right after baby animals. Cuddling is SO good for the brain, as well as the soul. A little extra cuddling each day would do wonders for all of us.


See the collection here: http://www.queerty.com/the-ultimate-collection-of-cuddling-bros-photos-20140503/

That Time I Streaked The Quad

It all started with a pact. Senior year at college, one of my best friends, who also happened to be one of my roommates at the time, had a discussion with me about the things we wanted to accomplish before graduating. My quintessential college experience on our list was to explore the infamous under quad tunnels. What can I say? I have a knack for sticking my nose where it isn’t welcomed.

Much to my surprise, as she has never struck me as a let’s-get-naked-in-public kind of gal, this roommate’s vote was for something more typical of the American college experience: streaking the quad. Naked. Outdoors. At school. Years ago, the thought would have only crossed my mind as a nightmare the evening before a huge, dreaded oral presentation.  (more…)